GlASS of Confusion

This chalkboard menu sits outside the new Cocoa Bar, a coffee, chocolate and wine lounge around the corner from me on 7th Ave. in Park Slope, Brooklyn. What makes this sign extra special is not just the GlASS, but the GlASS of PINOT BlANCO ... or is it BIANCO?! See, Pinot Bianco is the Italian term for a varietal pressed from the family of Pinot grapes, and Pinot Blanco is the Latin term. So is this a case of double lowercase L's, with GlASS and the Latin BlANCO? And then there's that GIANDUJA Chocolate ... I wasn't sure if it was Glanduja or Gianduja, so I had to look it up. Turns out it is Gianduja. The point is that between GlASS and BlANCO/BIANCO, and having to look up Gianduja because of some crazy, chalky handed menu writer, I've lost my appetite. I am reluctant to patronize this establishment, at least until they fire the employee who wrote this menu.

By the way, this is not the first time we've had an ambiguous case of lowercase L.

Found on CRAIGSlIST

Most lowercase L's posted on this site are found in the real world, on the streets, in windows, handwritten on paper. That's why this virtual case of lowercase L, found on Craigslist, is especially unique. In addition to "saple" sounds, this fellow is apparently lOOKING TO BUY time by rushing through his Craigslist ad and posting without proofreading. My guess is that he forgot to press the caps lock key until after he had already typed the L. Too late, I'm not selling my saple zip disks to this freak.

All a MAJOR cover-up

At first glance this sign found in the window of a 7th Ave. dollar store seems a typical case of lowercase L. WE CARRY All MAJOR APPLIANCE, simple enough. But upon further inspection, we find something very peculiar. Click on the close-up photo to the left to see a larger view. Notice the White-Out applied to what used to be the lower portion of an uppercase L. What could possibly explain this disturbing behavior? It seems the author had previously written the word ALL with at least one uppercase L. Perhaps the middle L was squeezed in after the final L was doctored to look lowercase? Did a second, deranged author surreptitiously modify this signage in an attempt to discredit the first author? And the word MAJOR was taped over whatever else used to be there, as well as the word APPLIANCE. This is all just too suspicious if you ask me. It's one big cover-up for the lowercase L conspiracy that is emerging right under our noses.

I urge you to send in more examples so that we may learn from example and understand this threat to society. But be cautious, trust no one.

Muddled METAl

I was almost going to buy this antique METAl doctor's utility cart, spotted at the 7th Ave. Park Slope flea market. But when I noticed the out-of-place lowercase L on the tag, I decided against it. I do not trust people who misuse lowercase L's like that, and I wouldn't be surprised if this utility cart never actually belonged to an antique metal doctor.

Everything is under CONTROl

Yet another fine submission from our New England reporter, Spinning Girl, this dog house with ANIMAL CONTROl spray painted on its side was spotted outside a kennel in New Milford, CT. At first glance this appears to be a case of poor planning, the author having run out of space before completing his final uppercase L. But I think a more reasonable explanation is that the person who wrote this sign was bitten by a rabid animal--just one of the occupational hazards of animal control--and is now exhibiting the first signs of dementia brought on by the gradual shutdown of the central nervous system. Ending an all uppercase word with a lowercase L is a clear symptom of rabies. Citizens of New Milford, be on the lookout for a rabid animal control zombie carrying a spray paint can, probably attempting to eat your brains.